As I began 2016, I chose two primary intentions for this coming year. The first was health resiliency and the second was voluntary simplicity. In the February newsletter, I'll speak more about simplicity.
In this blog, I'm going to share what's happening in the health department. In gathering together my resources so that I could get clear about my initial direction, I saw that “heart health”, because rapid heartbeat is affecting every single aspect of my vitality and life force, was the place to start.
I began asking the question, what measures could I take to address this 3-year struggle with my heart. I found a well-known heart surgeon in Albuquerque who specializes in the kind of heart issues I've been having. He suggested I get a cartia oblation which would likely stop the a-fib. The surgery itself was successful and my sweet heart is now in a regular rhythm. There is a new calmness flowing through my body. The physical rebound after the surgery is going well. In 6-8 weeks I will know if the oblation is likely to hold (so far so good!)
On the emotional/spiritual plane things have been rugged. The old familiar refrain that “I've done something wrong” or “something is wrong with me” has resurfaced and has been holding on for dear life. None of the tools I use to move through my process has worked at all. It has felt a bit like slogging around in quicksand.
I have not been resilient or resourceful at all. And I so judge myself for this. It's hard to make room to be just a regular human being, afraid of dying, sitting in pain, feeling disconnected from the personal God of my understanding. I'm a hot mess and I may be for some time. Perhaps you've been there – in that place where self-acceptance seems to be a remote possibility.
My dear friend suggested I just let myself fall apart. I laid on the couch in fetal position for a while crying and moaning. Giving myself room to feel broken brought a great sense of relief. You can see that the anger/denial stage of my recovery began slowly moving towards acceptance just by virtue of allowing myself to fall apart.
I asked myself “what if I were to love, even cherish, the parts of me who are insisting that “there's something wrong with me”? What if you were to do the same? I believe there is a spark inside, that is not touched by my human condition, which remains vibrant even though I can't see it with the naked eye.
Admitting that I'm not resilient nor resourceful and sinking into that IS the start of self acceptance.
Here's a summary of the steps indicated in my personal example above!
STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TOWARDS MANIFESTING YOUR 2016 GOAL
- Name and claim your intention like it's living in you in NEON LIGHTS.
- Break your intention into steps doing one action to support your intention at a time.
- Take an action and notice how it lands physically, emotionally and spiritually
- Celebrate the successes while working through your resistance.
- Take the next right action.
- Forgive yourself along the way for being less than perfect!
Thanks for listening,