“I feel sure that whatever happens to this battered old cage of mine, the tiny bird inside will be all right.”  George Meredith
 
Kind Readers,
 
As I began 2016, I chose two primary intentions for this coming year.  The first was health resiliency and the second was voluntary simplicity. In the February newsletter, I'll speak more about simplicity.
 
In this blog, I'm going to share what's happening in the health department.  In gathering together my resources so that I could get clear about my initial direction, I saw that “heart health”, because rapid heartbeat is affecting every single aspect of my vitality and life force, was the place to start. 
 
I began asking the question, what measures could I take to address this 3-year struggle with my heart.  I found a well-known heart surgeon in Albuquerque who specializes in the kind of heart issues I've been having.  He suggested I get a cartia oblation which would likely stop the a-fib.  The surgery itself was successful and my sweet heart is now in a regular rhythm. There is a new calmness flowing through my body.  The physical rebound after the surgery is going well.  In 6-8 weeks I will know if the oblation is likely to hold (so far so good!)
 
On the emotional/spiritual plane things have been rugged.  The old familiar refrain that “I've done something wrong” or “something is wrong with me” has resurfaced and has been holding on for dear life.  None of the tools I use to move through my process has worked at all.  It has felt a bit like slogging around in quicksand. 
 
I have not been resilient or resourceful at all.  And I so judge myself for this.  It's hard to make room to be just a regular human being, afraid of dying, sitting in pain, feeling disconnected from the personal God of my understanding.  I'm a hot mess and I may be for some time.  Perhaps you've been there – in that place where self-acceptance seems to be a remote possibility.
 
My dear friend suggested I just let myself fall apart.  I laid on the couch in fetal position for a while crying and moaning.  Giving myself room to feel broken brought a great sense of relief. You can see that the anger/denial stage of my recovery began slowly moving towards acceptance just by virtue of allowing myself to fall apart.
 
I asked myself “what if I were to love, even cherish, the parts of me who are insisting that “there's something wrong with me”?  What if  you were to do the same?  I believe there is a spark inside, that is not touched by my human condition, which remains vibrant even though I can't see it with the naked eye.
 
Admitting that I'm not resilient nor resourceful and sinking into that IS the start of self acceptance.
 
Here's a summary of the steps indicated in my personal example above!
STEPS YOU CAN TAKE TOWARDS MANIFESTING YOUR 2016 GOAL

1. Name and claim your intention like it's living in you in NEON LIGHTS.
2. Break your intention into steps doing one action to support your intention at a time.
3. Take an action and notice how it lands physically, emotionally and spiritually
4. Celebrate the successes while working through your resistance.
5. Take the next right action.
6. Forgive yourself along the way for being less than perfect!

I would be delighted if these steps were to enhance your journey towards what matters most to you in your life this year...
 
Thanks for listening,
Patricia
​

Kind Reader:
I've done some soul searching to see what it is I'd really like to place in the heart of 2016.  Perhaps you'd like to do the same.  When we focus on the heart of the matter, my experience is all else falls into place.  One way to find the heart is to notice what it is in your life that has not been feeling so fulfilling anymore.  Another way is to look at what you truly long for.  Way deep down, past the noise, the clutter and the “to do” list, what is it that you genuinely desire?
 
Perhaps these questions are not easy, but they certainly do offer a way to give more meaning to your life. I've come upon my themes organically.  The last two-three years I have been experiencing a variety of health concerns.  Prior to this time, my health was robust and I identified myself as “woman who has great health”.  Since this is no longer true, I've begun identifying myself as “woman who has poor health.”  These two identifications and dualities have caused much unrest and self- criticism.  Even the so-called positive identification sets up failure by making great health better than not-so-great-health.  I am, and you are, so much more than whatever is going on with the body.
 
I can see I am not really either of these women, the one with the “great” health, or the one with the “poor” health; who I truly am is a Sweet Old Soul.  My true self is the One who holds the space for my heartbreaking humanity and my divinity.  And, so are you, whether you know it or not.  Either way, what my body is or isn't does not detract from my Presence.
 
So, my first theme this year is resiliency.  I'd like to create this way of looking at my health that includes a deep desire to take care of myself on every level.  I'd like to stop orienting around the “poor health” theme and step into the creativity of being with my body as a part of “The Beloved.”  I'm excited about all the ideas I've come up with to hold HEALTH RESILIENCY in the heart of my life this year.
 
Resiliency is defined as ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity or the like; returning to the original form.  My own personal definition of health resiliency isn't really that I return to the woman I was before the health issues, but rather that I take every step imaginable to recover while at the same time being entirely willing to live alongside physical challenges.  I want to meet them with courage and compassion and then allow healing to take place spiritually and emotionally.  Whether my physical body improves or heals is in the hands of the Great Mystery.
 
The second theme that's made itself clear in me is “voluntary simplicity.”  While I don't want to retire, as I love the soul work I do with folks, I do want to simplify. I want to keep my hours easy and the time I spend with clients to be rich with depth, laughter and tears.  I want the hours I spend in my life's work to be a sanctuary for me and for each person I work with as we effortlessly move into a more deliberate and conscious way of living all aspects of our lives.  
 
I want to live even more from my essence or core and I want to pass that on to those I touch.  I want to be more intimately connected to the people, places and things that matter most to me.  I want to pause frequently to ask the question, "what is it that I want to do with the remaining wild and precious days of my life?”
 
“Voluntary Simplicity” by Duane Elgin says that simplicity is choosing to moderate material wants and redirect activities so that we live with an ever-increasing lightness of being.  I want to do what I can to move busyness to beingness.  I'm looking forward to de-cluttering the closets, simplifying our finances, and looking for ways to make my life smaller but more connected.
 
We leave tomorrow for Arizona to spend the last days of the year with a dear friend and pick up our new puppy from his “Doggie Boot Camp Training.”  While we travel, we'll be listening to some tapes called “Your Money or Your Life,” by Joe Dominguez.  Joe's primary message was to make the quality of your life, your values and your relationships more important than accumulating more stuff or climbing any more ladders. This will be a great way to get the themes off the ground.
 
In the first quarter of 2016, I'm intending to use both blogs and newsletters to reflect further on resiliency and simplicity.  I hope these themes are meaningful to you, dear reader, or that it's easy enough to plug in your own themes and get value out of the material I offer.
 
Thank you for your sweet listening hearts this past year,
Patricia
 
“I want to live deep and suck all the marrow out of life.”
Henry David Thoreau
 
 ​

Let's just look at one belief. If one thinks they are not good enough they might not believe they deserve a raise, a kind partner, a body they can love, time off, or wonderful work. The list is endless. I once asked in a more than one hundred person audience, “does anyone here think they are good enough?” Few hands were raised. It's a comfort to know this is our human condition. This was a workshop on “authenticity” so folks were prone to be honest.

Our egos are made up of our core beliefs. If we try to supress them, they get  stronger. Acceptance is what heals them. When forgiveness touches a core belief, they melt.

Here's what happens when one's core beliefs are integrated (not perfectly, but just layer by layer and in this particular moment.)

When I KNOW I AM GOOD ENOUGH

My interests expand. Current new interests are classical music, kayaking and bird watching. Who knew I would love these things?

My relationships expand. Every friendship is more mutual, my marriage is more fun and has more depth, it's easy to be kind to every single person I meet.I don't have to try so hard. I can work less while still producing work I am proud of and can offer enthusiastically to potential students. I am happy to be paid well for my work.

My compassion grows. I see how most humans are unconsciously stuck in their 'not good enough spell.' When I am able to step out of my own spell, I hold space for their transformation. I see others as totally good enough.

I can be happy about my body, wear what I love, go dancing without being concerned that everyone is watching me on the dance floor. I just started giving myself full body massages the other day – I hadn't thought of that before. My body loves this new idea.

The list is longer, but you get my drift. If you'd like to play more with the idea of working with and through your core beliefs, one option would be to join us at the first conference call virtual retreat on October 24.  Details follow.

Details on the Virtual Retreat.

Knowing we are ENOUGH, even if we forget it l00,000 times,

Patricia

“You wander from room to room hunting for the diamond necklace that is already around your neck.”    Rumi

In the late 70's while I was living at Cornucopia, a human potential school based on the “Handbook to Higher Consciousness” by Ken Keyes, we had what was called a “consciousness reprogramming room.”  So, I'd be up in the middle of the night yelling in a pillow.  It was a padded room so you couldn't wake anyone up.

Anyway, I'd yell “ I love my body the way it is, I LOVE MY BODY THE WAY IT IS,  I LOVE MY BODY THE WAY IT IS!”.   Sometimes when I came out of the room, my voice would be horse or lost entirely.  And, as I was walking down the hall after the primal scream, I'd be saying to myself, “NO I DON'T, I REALLY DON'T.  I DO NOT LOVE MY BODY THE WAY IT IS. IN FACT, I RATHER HATE MY BODY THE WAY IT IS!”

What's the point here?  Well, all my attempts to suppress, express, eradicate, eliminate, pound down or even drown the stories didn't work.  Perhaps you've had a similar experience.  In my training as coach/therapist, I learned to see these stories as the critical parent, the internalized parental critic, or the limiting beliefs, etc. I've worked with students to name their egoistic stories as a way of remembering that this critical voice is a part of us, but not all of us.  That was helpful.  THE EGO IS NOT BAD, IT'S ONLY HUMAN!

Another, more palatable and even kinder way to name the ego's dance, would be to describe these voices as unruly puppy voices.  The unruly puppy does not need to be smacked upside the head, or shamed, or ignored.  The unruly puppy needs to be loved and disciplined.  The unruly puppy needs the alpha, more soulful, more adult part of us to speak up.  That puppy needs someone inside to offer a message like “hey cutie, I love you AND I'm in charge here.  It's time to go to obedience school so that our lives work better.”

I don't hate my body so much anymore, though those thoughts do arise on occasion.  The large percentage of the time I do actually love my sweet body.  And the limiting beliefs do not run rough shod over my life.  My capacity to be aware of the belief, accept it and the accompanying emotion, forgive them, set them aside and go on with my day is large and growing.  That's what I want for you!

Our old stories, as mentioned in the first paragraph of today's blog, bring us to our knees and then drive us to the place where the Spiritual Truth can emerge.  So if we hang out in the idea that “I am not good enough or I don't do enough” long enough, feel the pain of that thought, and forgive it – we come to know the truth, which is that WE ARE BEYOND GOOD ENOUGH AND HAVE ALWAYS DONE WHAT WE CAME TO DO.  I AM AND WE ARE ENOUGH.   It's about 'remembering' and 'forgetting' throughout our lives and our soul's path.

Perhaps this blog has served as a reminder to love yourself amidst your own old stories and this reminder is  just what you needed.  If so, thanks for listening.

If you'd like more support on how to recognize, accept, forgive and set aside the stories that undermine your personal and professional life, consider joining us for the upcoming virtual retreat on October 24th.  Just imagine how your life and work might open up if your True Self (more divine self) stepped to the front burner and your False, (more human) Self stepped to the back burner.  Remember, though, it's natural and necessary that your human or egoistic self be on the stove.  I believe the ego's stories actually drive us to our True Home, our knowingness deep inside the wellspring of our beings that we are E N O U G H!

More info on Virtual Retreat
 

Bowing towards you,

Patricia

“There is a deep place within, where hidden and growing, our true spirit rises...
Each of us holds an incredible reserve of creativity and power, of unexamined and unrecorded emotion.  The place of power within us is neither white nor surface, it is dark, it is ancient, and it is deep.”  Audre Lorde

 

In the times in my work life when I'm facing a 'highpressure deadline' (since I'm self emloyed this deadline business and the high pressure is made up by me), – by the part of me that has been walking though life with a sharp stick in her butt.)  When I retreat, even if its for 10 minutes lying in a hammock, my perspective shifts, and I can return to professoinal activity holding the outcome more lightly.

In years past, when I decided, for example that I was going to pay off the mortgage over the next three years, I was driven.  I doubled my hours with clients, wrote my first book mostly in the middle of the night, and remodeled part of our house.  My husband, while not as driven – kicked in a sizable chunk from his tax business.  We met the goal.

I'm not judging this DRIVE – it really was the ONLY way I knew how to get the task done back then.  And, I'm very grateful the mortgage has been paid for a decade.  Had I not, at that time, had some capacity to retreat, I'd probably be a dead woman today.  Taking a half a day, even once a month, to head up into the mountains or occasionally napping on the couch with a good book was also PRACTICAL.  Those simple rests, made it possible to keep going til the ink on the paid mortgage dried.  Without the retreat times, I probably would have collapsed with overwhelm and possible illness.

We can retreat for 5 minutes, 2 hours, a half day, a day, a week, a month, (and I must confess, I once retreated from my professional life for two years).  The time frame is not as important as the intentionality.  The idea that “I am choosing to give myself this pause, this deep rest” matters most.  Coming up with content is a creative adventure.  For countless creative ideas on how to structure your retreats, see Jen Louden's “Woman's Retreat Book.”

I mentioned in the title that there is an incandescent power to retreating.  By that I mean I return to work with a new spark, I might even be aflame, with an impassioned desire to return to my life's work.  I just took a 3 day weekend and now that I'm back at work, that old fire in my belly has returned.  I was replenished by the garden, by some old movies and some old friends.  I even went dancing with my husband. 

Back in the olden days, the folks who thought up the idea of Sundays being the sabbath day, were on to something.  It is so NOURISHING to know when we intend to rest and to know that rest is coming right around the bend. – When we plan our rests, both consciously (as we so choose) and consistently (we can count on its regular occurrence), our life force and capacity to contribute expands and deepens.

What your soul is calling you to do in the context of your retreat – whether that is sitting with your back against a favorite tree, coloring, dancing, journalling, watching a comedy or a romance movie, writing poems or playing jax – doesn't matter so much.  What does matter is that you are clear your activities will feed your soul and that work related things do not happen in your sacred space.  So that means, unplugging the phone. the computer, even the television.  It means letting go of child care, laundry and anything else that is shouting at you from your “to do” list.

For those of you who might like support and structure  with this idea of retreat, I just happen to be offering a 6 hour virtual retreat coming up on October 24.  We'll be meeting by conference call from around the world.  I'm attaching your invitation right now and if you are feeling sparked by the idea, please jump in.

More info on the Coming Home to Your Sweet, Old Soul Retreat.

Thanks for listening today.  It's my fondest hope that this blog will encourage you in an entirely new level of self care and that you'll leave it having set aside some sacred time for your own sweet soul,

ALL HONOR TO YOU,

PATRICIA

“That is what is strange—that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and to discover what is happening or has happened.  Without the interruptions, nourishing and maddening, this life would become arid.  Yet I taste it fully only when I am alone here and the house and I resume the old conversations.”  May Sarton

 

Then this last week, I've returned to a place I know well – I'm behaving like Sisyphus trying to roll the rock up the mountain, then falling down over and over again.  A little glimpse at my inside  story - “I have to get the video clip done for the virtual retreat.  I have to get the newsletter done.  I have to rewrite a sales page for the web page to promote the on-line retreat.  I have to find images on- line.  I have to get it all done by Friday and I have to learn the technology for these offers NOW.  LASTLY, I have to do this ALONE and it all has to be PERFECT!

Maybe you are hearing all the “have tos”.  This is the way I've gotten things done in the past, by pushing myself relentlessly.  Since my intention for these retreats is to come from a place of “spacious quiet knowingness,”  it's time to pause – the healing always has to start with me.  So, I've extended the date for the retreat and the newsletter and asked for way more support.  I'm slowing down.  I'm heading over to get a massage this evening.  This is my shortest blog.

I'm asking the Great Mystery to work with me and through me from here...

Thanks for listening,

Patricia

One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Susan Rush, says “Hurry hinders Holiness”-
and I'm stepping back into the sacred pause!